A Day of Birth

Everyone has a day of birth. Most birthdays are surrounded by joy, parties, and reminiscing about previous celebrations. Some are for the young and some are for the old. For the young, it is presents - maybe the latest toy. For the old, it is a day of reflection - a day of memories and thankfulness for a long life. Young or old most agree that a birthday is a day of happiness.

For me, a birthday is a day of reflection but not as most people would see it. You see, a few years ago, my mother became very ill on my birthday. I called to see if I should come over, but my brother said she finally laid down to rest. I decided to wait until the next day to visit her.

The next day we went to the annual Halloween parade (or "candy" parade as I like to call it!) and I thought I would try to visit her after the parade. My brother called during the parade and let me know that they had to take my mom to the hospital. When I arrived, they wanted to take her for an MRI. I wanted to talk to her, but conversations were quite hard since her last stroke. Talking was hard for her and when she finally did say something, it usually came out not making sense. While I waited with my dad and mom for the MRI to start, my mom said "stop sitting on me." I'm not sure what it meant, but was the last complete sentence I heard her speak.

As the day went on, she became steadily worse - and then lapsed into a type of epileptic consciousness. She looked at me and said "I don't want to..." She never finished this sentence before drifting off into another seizure. My Dad and brother tried to figure out what she wanted by saying, "what don't you want?" I knew exactly what she was trying to say - I could tell by the look in her eyes when she said it. She meant to say "I don't want to die."

I saw the fear in her eyes and knew that there was nothing I could do or say to help her. I found it odd that no one else realized that this is what she meant to say. Maybe it was a denial thing.

Anyway, mom stayed in this state - getting steadily worse - until she passed on a week later on a Sunday. We held a impromptu church service for her - my aunt and cousins sang hymns and we held hands (mom included) and said a prayer. She quietly slipped away to be with Jesus a little after 6 PM.

It's ironic that the very hospital and floor (4th) that my mother gave birth to me would be the very same place she would die. I've often tried to analyze this. Surely there must some kind of hidden meaning. I've looked but I haven't found one. I just know that I miss her and wish I could have been a better daughter to her when she was alive. Maybe that's all that God wants me to realize - Life is short.

People say it all the time without giving it much thought - but life is short. Don't take another minute in your life for granted. Don't allow yourself to be caught up in the pettiness of this world. Don't assume that there will always be a tomorrow. And most of all, when that day (end) does come, make sure you are ready for the end that you alone have chosen.

Football Weather

I went to my town's High School Homecoming game on Friday. It was the first really cold evening we've had for a while. Last game, it was 90 degrees during the day so this game was of great relief for the players! The game was really crowded so I just stood by the fence for most of the game. It was interesting being a "people watcher". I didn't even really look at people - I had my back to kids as they walked behind me around the sidewalk circling the track - I just listened. Many of the words I heard I wouldn't dare speak at that age especially if an adult was nearby.(and many were) This didn't seem to bother the student whose string of obscenities was growing longer by the second. I also noticed the small child that was kicking the fence so hard that is was wobbling all the way down next to where I was standing. The parents were nearby but didn't seem to noticed the enormous distraction. I started to wonder "Is anyone paying attention?"

It's sad, but I think we have become a society so engrossed with ourselves that we notice nothing else. The band was playing the Star Spangled Banner and half the crowd was talking - not even facing the flag. All I could think about during the song is the sad state the world is in right now. All the violence and bloodshed plastered across the tv everyday - the sad situation in Myanmar (Burma), the brave soldiers that have fought in many wars(Revolutionary, Civil, War on Terror...), and these people can't stand quiet for a few minutes and reflect??

As I stood there listening to the low roar of the crowd (laughing, chatting, sports talk,...) I wondered what would these people do if some catastrophic event happened right now? Would they be able to cope? Would people band together or would there be chaos?

Unfortunately, I think it would be "every man for himself." We have become so consumed by ourselves that we see nothing else. It's a sobering thought. I know that I will be okay - I have God. His presence is always with me and I know that he will never leave me nor forsake me. But, as I looked out upon this crowd of people, the joy of the game faded to the reality that many of these people don't really know God. A lot probably don't even give God a second thought. Why would you - life is great right? I ache inside to tell people about him - tell them that no matter if they believe in him or not, they will still have to stand before him and give an account of their lives. I wanted to shout that the door is only opened now... now is the time...God is waiting...

I stood there silent. I made no sound. I just kept listening to the dull roar of the crowd. I also wondered what would God think of me for not doing the one really important thing he asked: tell them about me - let them know I am real and I love them. Maybe the worst thing wasn't the obscence words, or annoying child - maybe it was the silence.

It's about time...

Hello World!

Do you ever get the feeling that there just isn't enough time to do all you have planned in a day? That has been my story for many months now. I finally decided it was time to stop and take a few minutes of down time everyday - even if it is just a 10 minute break with nothing more than a quick cup of coffee - time for yourself is important to function is today's busy world.

Peace. Peace is what I have been searching for. Peace allows the Holy Spirit to take over while you rest! I haven't been letting God in for a while and it sure does make a difference.

Keep looking for more posts soon and I plan on following my advice. Hopefully I will be able to provide something inspirational for all to read (hopefully!)very soon. Until then remember to smile!